I like how they sleep on his side of the bed. Hehe. #goodnight (at The Hermit Shell (available with internet))
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I wear a lot of grey… (at Clean City)
"Biology gives you a brain. Life turns it into a mind." #quotes #wisdom #wordstoliveby
"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." Abe Lincoln #quotes #wisdom
Keeping Going When You Make a Voluntary Change
You’re likely to experience a cycle of emotions when you make a change.
Think back to the last time you made a change in your life. Perhaps you started a new job or enrolled in a night school program. Chances are, you went through some ups and downs as you went through this process.
Researchers have noted that this is common, and that many of us go through a predictable cycle of emotions when we choose to make a change.
When you know what emotions to expect in these situations, it’s much easier to cope with them.
About the Tool
Don Kelley and Daryl Conner developed their Emotional Cycle of Change model in the mid-1970s, and they outlined it in the “1979 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators.”
The cycle has five stages, shown in figure 1 below.
Stage 1: Uninformed optimism.
Stage 2: Informed pessimism.
Stage 3: Hopeful realism.
Stage 4: Informed optimism.
Stage 5: Completion.
Figure 1 – The Emotional Cycle of Change
The figure above outlines how your emotional response – the extent to which you react emotionally to something, based on how much it will affect you personally – is likely to alter as you go through a change.
It rises as you move through a stage of pessimism, and falls as you become more confident with your project.
You may be familiar with other change models, such as the Change Curve , which explains the emotional impact of involuntary change.
If you compare the models, you’ll see that the most obvious difference is that the Change Curve shows a first reaction of shock, because the change was unexpected. In contrast, Kelley and Conner’s cycle shows that when you make a planned change, you’ll initially feel optimistic.
We focus on the emotional impacts of planned change on individuals in this article. Read our articles on change management to find out about how you can manage the impact of change on teams and on other people.
How to Apply the Model
You can use the five stages outlined in this model to understand and anticipate your emotional responses after you make a change. Below, we look at each stage in detail, and we outline tools that you can use to cope with your changing emotional responses.
Stage 1: Uninformed Optimism
In stage 1, you may be excited to get started, but your emotional response levels will be low, as you’ll be focused on doing, rather than thinking.
However, you may not be aware of the difficulties that you could face along the way.
Capitalize on your excitement: make a treasure map , and draw up a list of the benefits that you hope to achieve. These will motivate you later on.
Stage 2: Informed Pessimism
As your new situation progresses, you may start to feel some negative emotions about the project, especially if you hit problems.
For example, you may become frustrated by challenges, or anxious about your ability to meet your goal. You may even want to quit altogether. This is the point at which many projects fail.
It’s also the point at which many people “check out” of a project. Kelley and Conner noted that this can happen in two ways.
- If you check out publicly, you may voice criticism, or point out objections.
- If you check out privately, you lose interest, become ambivalent about the situation, and reduce your involvement. It’s harder to spot this kind of checking out, because it may be subconscious.
If you find that you’re procrastinating or feeling negative at this point, you may be checking out. Revisit your goals to make sure that they’re still achievable, or adjust them to match your new understanding of your situation.
You may also want to look for a mentor or support network to help you deal with challenges and self-sabotaging thoughts . Alternatively, try to keep a journal. The more you verbalize your doubts and fears, the easier they are to address.
Stage 3: Hopeful Realism
Once you’ve pushed past doubt, your pessimism should start to decline. You may still feel anxious, but you’re more likely to be able to solve problems, because you’re now more familiar with your situation.
Use action plans or project management tools to keep on top of tasks, and look for ways to build habits that support the change that you’ve made. For example, if you’ve signed up to a new class, set aside regular times for study, and ask friends or colleagues to check in with you to see how you’re doing.
Stage 4: Informed Optimism
In this phase, you’ll start to feel confident that you’ve made the right choice. You’ll look at the change with more experienced eyes, and you’ll feel less anxious about problems. Use affirmations to make sure that you stay positive.
You may now be in a position to support others who are at an earlier stage of the change process. For example, you could offer to be a “study buddy” or mentor to someone starting out in a new class, or offer to share your new knowledge with colleagues.
This is an effective way to cement new information, and you may even inspire someone to embark on a similar change.
Stage 5: Completion
You’ll probably feel very satisfied when you reach your goal. Your emotional response levels will have lowered, now that you’ve worked through the problems and brought about a change.
Celebrate your success, and thank people who supported you during the change process.
Don Kelley and Daryl Conner developed the Emotional Cycle of Change, and published it in the “1979 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators.” The model outlines the five emotional stages that most people go through during voluntary change:
Stage 1: Uninformed optimism.
Stage 2: Informed pessimism.
Stage 3: Hopeful realism.
Stage 4: Informed optimism.
Stage 5: Completion.
When you understand these five stages, you can prepare yourself for the practical and the emotional impacts of the changes that you decide to make.
"Those who can command themselves, command others." —Hazlitt
“Build a great experience, customers tell each other about that. Word of mouth is very powerful.” — Jeff Bezos, CEO, Amazon.com
If you attended a party where the host snarled at you, reluctantly offered you a drink, looked past you to greet someone deemed more important and basically couldn’t wait until you left — chances are you would leave, slamming the door behind you.
Unfortunately, that’s the experience many of us receive today. We’re not treated as a valued customer — a guest — to be respected, we’re a nuisance to be endured. We’re the blaring car alarm when they’re trying to sleep. Flipping to the company view: customer service has become a dirty phrase.
In my experience as CEO of a large digital marketing company and board member to others, companies that are too focused on new business risk ignoring, alienating and then losing the clients and business they already have. Customers that are taken for granted soon leave, and business suffers.
Here are five simple keys I follow and expect people in my organization(s) to follow, and hope they’ll unlock the door to your greater success:
1. Use the right term. First, I don’t call people clients, or even customers. At my company we refer to them as “guests,” for they are our guests, and we are their host. We are always happy to see them and strive to make their time with each of us a great experience.
2. Anticipate needs. A great waiter knows when to refill your glass or bring the check, just as a great company anticipates what their guests need — often before they know it themselves.
3. Give respect. It costs nothing to be courteous, but you can pay dearly if you aren’t.
4. Treat everyone like a VIP. “There’s only one boss, the customer,” Sam Walton once said. “He can fire everybody from the chairman on down simply by spending his money elsewhere.”
5. Show immediate action and solutions, not blame. Sometimes things get messed up, but apologies, which matter, mean nothing if they aren’t followed by action. Well done is better than well said.
In short, a great guest experience isn’t a department. At my company it’s everybody’s job and, as Henry Ford said: “A business absolutely devoted to service will have only one worry about profits. They will be embarrassingly large.”
The only way to command respect from others is not to demand it.
Leaders who are admired and respected have earned that admiration and respect. Respect is given to others only when they are deemed worthy of receiving the honor. For that simple reason, leaders who demand respect from others will never get it, because respect must be given. In my conversations with other leaders on the topic, several key comments were presented consistently. Are you doing the right things to command respect from others” Here are a few pointers on how you can gain a deeper level of respect from your peers and subordinates.
Walk the Talk
One of the top complaints I receive from colleagues is that many leaders don’t provide a positive example for others to follow. They live a double standard by saying one thing and doing another. We have all met talkers in the business world (“She’s all talk and no action”). We command respect from others by walking our talk. This means Do as I say, and as I do. In my workshops, it is imperative that I model my material, or my audience won’t respect me as a leader in my field. Leaders put their personal and professional philosophies into action. If a leader says, “My door is always open,” but in reality practices a closed-door policy, people will quickly perceive it as just talk, and the leader loses respect.
Influence; Don’t Manipulate
There is a vast difference between manipulating and influencing others. Manipulation deliberately uses and abuses other people to act out your intentions. Influence, on the other hand, requires buy-in on the part of the person being influenced and a willingness on their part to support your goals. You cannot influence another without that buy-in taking place. People respect other people who have the power to positively influence others and get things done. Manipulation is the dark side of management. When you manipulate others, you give away any chance of gaining respect from others. It doesn’t matter whether the manipulation is overt or covert; manipulation has no role in a true leader’s skill set…influence does. A simple review of Dale Carnegie’s best-selling book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” expands on this topic.
Include, Don’t Exclude
The most effective leaders are those who use inclusive language to make others feel they are part of the team. Turn me into we. Rather than couching your comments with “I think… I believe…I know… I feel…” which puts the emphasis on you, consider using inclusive language, such as “We can review…our challenge is…Let’s look at…” The more inclusive you are when presenting ideas to others, you will be perceived as less of an egoist and more of a team player. Inclusive language helps you to influence others.
Participate Equally and Openly
Ivory towers? Forget about them! If you hold yourself above everyone else, you will be seen as egotistical and self-serving. You will score big points when you admit you don’t know everything and are willing to learn something new. If you are willing to assist at any level, you are perceived as someone who is real, not artificial. Treat the janitor with the same respect as one of your shareholders. Treat everyone equally. Why do you think employees love seeing their bosses in casual clothes, relaxing with a beer in hand, at the annual company picnic? It allows them to see you as a real person, as one of them. When you flip burgers at the company picnic alongside your staff, and you are doing it because you truly enjoy it, people will feel it.
Back Up Opinions With Facts
Most of us share our opinions about the world around us, and how it affects our business and personal lives. If you openly share your opinions with no factual back-up, you will be perceived by others as a rambler. You can quickly become labeled as someone who “has an opinion on everything.” If, however, that opinion is supported with facts and a solid rationale, then you capture the listener’s attention and respect. If your opinions are non-threatening and you allow others to pause and reflect, and look at things differently, then you are seen as a team player. If you cannot support your opinions with a solid argument backed up by facts, you can lose face, and respect. When you offer an opinion, be prepared to support it with facts.
Get A Real Image
So many leaders believe they are “doing all the right things” by belonging to the right clubs, associating with the right leaders in the community, attending highly visible community functions, or belonging to the right professional associations. That’s just the persona. It’s not the person. Unfortunately, there are too many leaders with “manufactured” images rather than real ones. People can tell the difference. When you peel off the veneer, you often find the different person hiding behind the “professional” image. Sometimes the real person underneath isn’t a very nice person. Leaders who command the greatest respect are those who are themselves 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are no Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde surprises with a real person. You will command a deeper level of respect when you let your human-ness show. It demonstrates to others that you are not afraid to let your true colors show.
Respect is something you must earn as a leader. You cannot demand it from anyone. The only person you can demand respect from is yourself. Demand that you become more of the leader you were meant to be. When you respect yourself and others, people will respect you in return. Examine how your actions can enhance your ability to influence others and command their respect, not just demand it.
"Be miserable… Or #motivate yourself, the choice is always yours." #positivity #wisdom #wordstoliveby (at The Hermit Shell (available with internet))